The first

I will be the first to tell you that I COMPLAIN about my kids A LOT! Most of the complaining is based on my lack of sleep. We do not have a family bed, in fact, family beds DO NOT appeal to me. I like my sleep, at least I used too... many many moons ago. My daughter, now 11, spent her first 5 years in my bed. Breaking this habit didn't take too long but it took YEARS for her to sleep through the night.

"Mommy..." This tiny little voice, has been heard many a night. Each child taking their turn and sometimes all three in one night! While my husband snores peacefully on his side of the bed.
There was a night recently when I decided to count how many times my 4 year old came out to my bed. 8. I counted 8. Each time, I would sweetly take his hand, walk him back to bed, cover him up and say, "I love you". I believe the very last time around 5am, I left off the "I love you" and was consciously grinding my teeth and trying not to cry.

I have asked coworkers, friends and strangers for advice as how one keeps their children in their own rooms, asleep, ALL NIGHT LONG! I have heard suggestions of talking with them and explaining that we all need a good nights sleep. Didn't work. I have had suggestions of night lights, radios, tvs, and glowing objects on the ceiling (we tried all at once and each one seperately). Didn't work. The suggestion of letting them cry it out. Full out temper tantrums at 2am are not good! They wake all other occupants and don't seem to accomplish anything.

So tonight I have taken a moment to realize how sweet they are. No I have not been drinking, I have not watched any sappy movies and I have not yet climbed into my own bed, yet...

My younger kids go to bed at 6:30pm most nights. Usually by midnight I have been visited by at least one of them at least two times. Tonight, I was blessed with a little visit from both. Normally I complain, oh boy can I complain! Why can't my kids sleep through the night? Why is it that I have an 11 year old, 4 year old and 3 year old and NOT ONE OF THEM knows how to sleep????

But tonight, I realized. I realized that for a couple of seconds they needed me, they needed my touch, they needed to know that they were safe. In this strange world we live in, my kids just needed me. Sure we go through day after day of "MOM" this and "MOM" that and I am frustrated with how needy they are. But tonight, when I walked up over the stairs and saw my youngest all sleepy with his arms out, it made my heart melt. I cuddled him, tucked him in, and kissed him. Of course twenty minutes later, I heard a little noise again and as I walked up over the stairs there was my 4 year old, all arms and legs, all 55lbs of him. But he just needed a little cuddle, a kiss and to be told he was loved.

And it was this that made me think, I want to blog. So who knows where I will go with this, who knows... but this is certainly a step.